Rules for potlucks

On Apr 21, 2004, t.james wrote:
> H'm - those church potlucks are a bit on the hazardous side - a kind of
> demonstration of what the apostle meant when he said we walk by faith
> and not by sight (better we haven't seen sometimes)!

Come tomorrow, I will have gone to three potlucks this week: one at the wake on Monday, another at the funeral on Tuesday, a third at our regular Thursday night service. Oh, and a fourth next Sunday. That's not unusual here, where "group eating events" are a way of life. Some weeks are worse and you could/must potluck every night.

So, believing that I am the king of potluck eating on this list, and speaking from my great expertise in succesful avoidance (I have lost forty-five pounds since I came here), I offer some suggestions:

1) Rule Number one: Less fat is better. Fat lurks everywhere.
Eternal vigilance is necessary.

2) Avoid potato salad, or anything else with mayo in it unless you have seen it come out of the refrigerator. Avoid it totally during hot weather.

3) Try to fill your own plate, not have them bring it to you -- you really don't want three pieces of cake and one piece of pie after having been given a plate containing roast beef, turkey, fried chicken, potato salad, baked beans, bologna sandwiches (with lots of mayonaise), fry bread and several things containing cool whip and marshmellos. This was what was handed to me at the funeral. See number 10 below for what to do.

4) If you are lucky enough to see a relish tray with uncooked veggies, take them. Do not worry about others having enough.
Your survival is important and you must be ruthless.

5) Soups: the important thing is to try and see how much grease is floating on top, not whether the soup is chicken, turkey or beef.
Always go for less fat.

6) Salt and pepper are your friends.

7) Mention how high your blood sugar was in the morning.

8) When in doubt take it and push it around.

9) Look for somebody to give it to. Many people have hungry relatives at home and will be glad to take it to them.

10) Learn the word "Wah ted jah"    It means "for later".
Say you are taking home "wahtejah" and ask for some aluminum foil or another plate to put over it. Keep a rubbermaid container in your car to put it in.

11) Do not say, I'm not hungry. Refusing food is refusing hospitality and that is a sin. Remember wah ted jah. If you throw it out later nobody will know.

12) Forget whatever your mother said to you about "cleaning your plate and remembering the starving Chinese/Armenians/Africans/etc."
Your mother never went to a Lakota memorial meal.